»How to talk to Jehova's witnesses and get rid of them«

When ever the god squad give me the big "hell and damnation" speech, I usually reply something similar to.

"Hey, it's a prophesy, it's gods will, why are you fighting it?"

or

"God allows me to choose, there's nothing in our deal about you influencing the decision - tempting me with promises of paradise - that's the kind of shit Satan tries" White laugh

posted by Marl64

in-my-opinion.org -> Religion and Mysteries, from worship to werewolves -> Religious & Philosophical Topics -> How to talk to Jehova's witnesses and get rid of them

Now that was fast

The post got moved while I was correcting the layout I learned something new, I guess

posted by Marl64

I witnessed god

How To Get Rid Of Jehovah Witnesses ♣

•	Pick an oft-repeated word in their lexicon (God, Jesus, heaven, it, the etc.) and giggle whenever they utter it. If they ask you what's going on, say "nothing, why?" in very even tones, and giggle again.

•	A chalk outline of a human body on the sidewalk, and a few copies of The Watchtower scattered around...

•	Say: " I... WILL... TAKE... YOUR... LITERATURE... AND... GIVE... IT... TO... MY... MASTER."

•	Answer the door naked and carrying weaponry (immediate results).

Nah, not funny... Evil evil

posted by knn

ebooks-download.com

Jeeezes

Quote:

The post got moved while I was correcting the layout

Yup. Jesus is faster than thought!

posted by knn

So I'm not the only one who does this eh?

- When Jehovah's Witnesses knock, the first response is to ask for their address. When they ask why, say "so I can visit you at your homes to push my beliefs."
- In response to "Can we talk to you about God?", simply reply "Sure, what would you like to know?"
- Answer the door with a bloody knife and say, "I'm sorry, could you come back in a half hour? We're not done with the virgin yet."
- Answer the door with an automatic weapon and say, "Allah be Praised!" and just see what happens.

White laugh

posted by Marl64

You guys just gave me some great ideas... White laugh

I found another text on how to talk to Jehova's Witnesses, I'm translating it at the time...I'll post it on another thread when I'm done.

Cool

posted by Echelon

How to talk to Jehova's Witnesses

It's Sunday morning and two ladies knock on your door. You open the door and say hi, and before you realize what a huge mistake you've just made, one of them starts to talk to you about the importance of remembering the story of a good old man that many, many years ago built a huge ark by the orders of God himself...

It's too late to recognize your mistake, but there's still something you can do:

Question (to the two ladies): Was the whole world flooded with water?
Answer: Yes, the whole world.

- To the highest mountain top?
- Yes, to the highest mountain top.

- And where did all that water came from?
- (A bit confused) Well...The Lord created it.

- Where was this water created?
- ... (can't answer)

- And where did all the water go?
- Well, maybe it went to the center of the Earth.

- And if it went to the Earth's core, it means that the Earth had a critical increase in its mass, how is it that this increase isn't affecting gravity?
- Maybe it did alter it.

- So Noah and his family, along with all the animals that lived before the flood had to adapt to the new gravity.
- They sure did.

- Oh, so that means they...evolved!
- No, they just changed.

- Well, evolution is the adaptation of an organism to it's changing sorroundings.
- No, it not...There was no evolution because if there was, the Bible would say so.

- OK, but let's go back, if the water created by God reached the highest mountain top, how come it didn't freeze?
- Because mountains were much smaller back then.

- And where does the Bible say mountains were smaller? Because scientific evidence points out that it takes a mountain millions of years to form.
- God did it in a quick way.

- Hmm...so he created them as well, right?
- Yes, he did.

- Was the water clear or salty?
- Clear, because it came from the rain.

- And did Noah put fish inside the ark? How come the ark didn't sink?
- No, he didn't, fish were left outside.

- So he didn't do exactly as the Lord told him, right?
- There was no need to.

- So fish, along with the rest of sea animals accustomed to the ocean's salty water died, since all the water that flooded the Earth was clear water. How do you explain that they are living right now in our salty watered seas? Is it because they evolved?
- No, they just changed.

- Well, let me tell you that you're the first multi-creationist and evolutionist Jehova's Witnesses that I know.

And the two ladies leave cursing...

posted by Echelon

"We turn to religion as a source of comfort and strength in a world torn apart ... by religion" - Jon Stewart

Haha Echelon
I like doing things like that, making them contradict themselves and get all confused... Teehee what a sadist, maybe I really do need saving from uh whatever it is they need to save me from.

posted by FortyTwo

The time now is 2 December 2008, 01:18
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